Monday, September 27, 2010

A half day of reflection…

“A diet is when you watch what you eat and wish you could eat what you watch.” Hermione Gingold

"A good cook is like a sorceress who dispenses happiness." Elsa Schiaparelli

"A good cook is not necessarily a good woman with an even temper. Some allowance should be made for artistic temperament." X. Marcel Boulestin

"A good meal soothes the soul as it regenerates the body. From the abundance of it flows a benign benevolence." Frederick W. Hackwood

I’m using the quotes above to make up for the fact that I didn’t cook this weekend.  I’m not feeling horribly guilty for not cooking, but it’s nice to do NOTHING.  I haven’t had the best sleep recently and have had a lot going through my mind.

On the bright side, I couldn’t pass up not sharing the following commercial with you that I saw recently on TV.  I lost my front tooth.  How could this not bring a smile to your face?!

I’ve recently come to the  realization and conclusion that life is too short to not spend great quality time with family and friends.  I’ve heard this time and time again, but this idea hadn’t really sunk in until today.  Earlier today I learned that my uncle Manuel passed away this morning by means of a heart attack.  He was 66. 

I have so many mixed feelings right now and am not sure which I should be feeling.  I wasn’t close to him.  In a way I wish I did have memories of him and be able to reminisce the good times and the unique qualities that made him a great individual.

What makes life so daunting and real to me is that this is the 5th relative that has passed away in the last 10 years.  I suppose that’s not a bad track record, right?  Let’s be real, it probably is.  However, on my dad’s side I’ve already lost my grandparents and aunt Isabel in the early to mid 90s and now uncle Manuel.  Last year my aunt Virginia on my mom’s side passed away;  I wish I could have met her.  I heard so many great things about aunt Virginia.

I’m frustrated because I wish my dad were more sociable and want to spend more quality time with family, more often.  If it were up to my mom, we’d be more involved with family and family activities. I feel so scared because I know my parents, aunts and uncles are aging, the majority in their late 50s and 60s, two in their 70s.  Who’s going to be next in the family?  I don’t want to see family members die off and not know who they are/were and share those intimately special moments that we’ll recount for years to come.  I don’t want it to be just another name crossed off on my family tree.

Remember when grandma used to read bedtime stories and bake cookies with you?  Not me. I wish I had shared those memories with my grandparents.  Any grandparent.  The only memory that I have from my dad’s mom is that she would make tamarind candies and dad and I used to sell the candies at the park on Sundays when I was younger.  I was 11 years old when she passed away.  I don’t have any memories of grandpa.  My mom’s dad passed away way before I was born and I was 4 years old when grandma died.  No memories.  Was I born to miss out on family time?  I’ve determined to say no.

I realize it’s getting late and the fact that I haven’t been sleeping well isn’t helping my emotions to know that another family member is gone.

‎"But i hold onto this hope and the promise that He brings, that there will be a place with no more suffering. there will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears. There will be a day when the burdens of this place will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face." – Jeremy Camp

I’m holding on to the hope that I’ll see all of them again soon and be able to create new memories.  Uncle Manuel, you will be missed.


Anonymous said...

I'm sorry you're going through that, I know it must be rough. My family is the same way, and I wish I could spend more time with some of them.

On a lighter note, I thought of you today, and whenever I get back to the States I would love it if you and I could get together to cook, because I think I'll need a huge cooking and baking day to make up for the fact that I don't get to be in the kitchen here. I just found a recipe for baked sweet potato falafels that I DESPERATELY want to try!! Blessings on you...

Napa Valley Wife said...

It was a little bit tough; however I'm more focused on the positive things :)

I would love to spend a day in the kitchen with you! Sweet falafels sound so yummy! Let me know when you're in town and you can come over to my place. Looking forward to it already!

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